If you read my last post then you know what today is. Today is my one year herpes anniversary. I have had a lot to overcome this year and I can not believe it has been a year. I have had so much anxiety built up around this day and now that it is here I have a new weird sense of clarity. Today feels like the day to reevaluate myself, rethink my goals and rewrite my plans. Today is my personal New Years.
2015 was by far the worst year of my life. Even in almost 19 years of life I can say that with absolute certainty that it will be forever one of the worst years I will have to survive. I use the word survive because today I don’t feel like a victim. I don’t feel helpless or weak. Today I feel like a survivor. I survived my diagnosed, I survived telling my friends, I survived the rejection, I survived my complicated relationship and I survived a year I didn’t believe I could.
With that being said, it feels like today I have to make a reaffirmed commitment to myself. Today I want to vow a year dedicated to me. A year that is about my well being, my future, my happiness and my fucking life. Today I vow to commit to myself, to commit to my fight against depression, commit to my fight against STD stigma and commit to fighting for myself.
Today I realize I want to be on the right side of this. I don’t want to let the anger win. I don’t want to feel hopeless and wonder why my ex’s is living it up with his knowledge of our diagnosis and why I refuse to let myself be happy.
Today I say fuck off to the year of feeling alone, abandoned, unsexy, unwanted and non deserving.
Today I say I can make 2016 my best year yet and I can truly start living again. I am so tired of hiding from my life, being ashamed of my circumstances and being afraid of being open. Today I say I want to be alive and I want to happy.
Today, is my first herpes anniversary and today I am going to make myself happy on my own. Today I am going to do things for me and I am not going to be bothered by others. Today I am going to map out my goals, and tomorrow I’m going to stick to them. Here’s to me, 365 days down.
Today I am a survivor and I did it!